"Indecisiveness, does it second guess you?"—Motivational Monday

Howdy Friends,

We all struggle sometimes with making decisions, especially really tough decisions. Tough decisions require a ponderence of thought, or we would not consider them tough. Some choices, ideas, strategies and decisions are far to important to skim over, take lightly. Some are not so weighty and we can make them in a blink of an eye, for instance deciding whether or not to grab and extra 5 minutes sleep before starting the day, should not take too much thought.

However taking the entire day off from work might require a bit more consideration. What if the question was not only taking the day off, but to quit your job? What if quitting your job was only part of the thinking? What if added to that was the idea of starting a whole new career? Maybe it would involve a move to a new town, or state. What about the children, school, friends and family, and security of sameness? Interesting isn’t it how layers can stack up, thicker, heavier and more cumbersome.

For some folks making decisions, no matter how involved or serious, is as easy as changing channels on the TV. For others just the thought of changing those channels is reason for hesitation, stress and uncertainty. In their mind they can build layers of questions, reasons pro and con. Sometimes they can talk themselves completely out of changing the channel, or anything else in life, simply by building walls of indecisiveness.

What do those folks possess who always seem to find decision making no big deal? A crystal ball? Probably not, but in most cases folks who wrestle with indecisiveness also struggle with self esteem. They are afraid to trust themselves, their own opinions, ideas and feelings. 

Simple decisions for some folks become layers upon layers of random, and not too random thoughts, problems, and created pitfalls in their thoughts. It is not hard to wrestle with doubt and worry on big decisions like changing careers and moving, but a decision on a movie, a TV channel, or even a new car, should not have the power to hold a person hostage.

Confidence, that more than anything can cure indecisiveness.

How does one build confidence? Simply by telling themselves they are in charge, and taking instant command of the little choices. Just make them. Toss that self-doubt out the window, go for it. The more often you make choices, the more confidence builds, and the easier it becomes. Here’s a little shared secret, folks who don’t have any problem with making decisions are wrong as often as anyone else—they just don’t let that stop them, they take it in stride. They understand not all their decisions will be winners, so they don’t let that worry keep them from finding the ones that are.

So if you sometimes, or all the time, struggle with making decisions remember, no matter how hard you ponder you’re going to be correct some of the time, and not so correct some of the time. Begin by going with your gut. It is often said the first thought you have is the correct one, and I have found that to be most always the case.

Now this is not to say you should forget about due diligence, we can’t run around making brash decisions willy nilly, with no intelligent thought. But building layers of self-questioning delays is a sure way to chip away at a person’s self confidence. There is no future in that. Whereas moving always ahead, being decisive builds confidence, and success. Go for it!

Gitty Up, Dutch Henry 

P.S. ~ You might also want to read, Motivational Monday—“What is Fear?”

Motivational Monday—“What is Fear?”

Howdy Friends,

Fear, a word and emotion that controls. An emotion that stops action, thought, ideas and incentive. Did you know fear is also nature’s most powerful motivator?

In sales people are drilled in the art of using fear as a motivator for prospective buyers. We’ve all seen the ads that scream, “Sale ends today!” or “Only while supply lasts!” Perhaps you’ve even experienced a big fear motivator in the real estate business or car sales business, “You’d better make your mind up quickly, two other folks are looking at this car or house.”

It's a fact the “risk of loss,” is a greater motivator than the, “possibility to gain.” That’s why it works so well in sales. Think of this, “Sale ends today!” compared to, “When you finally decide I just know you’ll love this car.”

Yes fear is a word, an emotion sometimes even a motivator ... But it can be a de-motivator. Even an opportunity slayer. And a powerful one. Have you ever allowed fear to rob you of an opportunity? Has fear (that silly 4 letter word) prevented you from asking for a raise, a better position, a better price on a house, car or something else important to you?

Fear can paralyze. It can stop all forward progress, in a deal, a plan, a career choice even life altering decisions can be stopped, altered or forgone because of fear.

Fear has a life of its own ... But it does not need to manage yours ... Do you know that 80% or more of the things we fear never transpire? So imagine now a time when fear stopped you, changed your course, and something you truly wanted to do, or achieve, you simply did not do because fear held you hostage. Think about that 80% rule. Were the fearful thoughts that caused you to stop, things that never would have/could have happened, and success could have been yours.

Fear is a natural instinct, like doubt and negativity. Good thing, I suppose, or we never could have made it beyond our cave-man days. It was probably good that Mr. cave-man was “fearful” of dashing into any old dark cave until he practiced due diligence and made sure no cave-man eating monsters made that cave their domicile. Fear kept him from becoming extinct.

So did negativity keep the cave-man happy and thriving. No doubt! Just like all your friends when you share a good idea and they all lampoon it with “negativity,” which is a gut-first thoughtless instinct. Negativity kept the cave-man safe from those cave-man eating monsters—so we can be here today pushing back the strangle hold of fear and negativity. He needed it more than we do, I think.

What is fear? It is an important, but controllable, left over basic instinct. It’s a good thing to have fear ride your thoughts, ides, dreams and goals with you. But it is for YOU to manage. NOT for it to manage you. We are no longer cave-men, most of us anyway, although sometimes we have to wonder but that’s a story for another time. We no longer need fear to keep us safe from cave-men eating monsters ... We have intellect with which to balance, and reason with fear.

Fear is undoubtedly an ingredient in every decision we make, and it should be. But it should never be given the power to take over, or stop, the thought process. Simply thank fear for its input and consideration, then allow reason to polish your thoughts, remember the 80% rule—Is it truly something to concern me or am I being afraid of my own imagination?

Fear is with us to help us, not stop us. Make fear a small part of your team, not the team leader.

Relegate fear to a bit-part in your life’s play, the tiny seldom seen character with little or no credence to do real damage. Consider it, question it and move ahead. Move ahead to your success in whatever your endeavor.

What is fear? A little bit of seasoning in life’s journey ... not the tour guide. You are!

Gitty Up, Dutch Henry

Don’t Desensitize your Horse!

Howdy Friends,
 

We’ve all seen it, owners, trainers or friends working in round pens or rings, with a worried, sometimes terrified horse, waving a bag, a towel or some other object at the horse to “Desensitize the horse.” I understand some reading this think I’ve described an exaggerated scene, others will think it’s got to be done, and still others think they would never do that. I’m in that last camp—I would never do that or anything close. Nor could I recommend it.

“But they need to be taught a bag can’t hurt them,” some say. Or a pile of other explanations why “desensitization” is an important part of “training.” Training, another word I’m not real fond of. I don’t want to be “trained,” or “desensitized.” Do you? I’d rather be educated, or coached. Semantics, you think? No. Words should mean things, and they do. Take just a second here and truly ponder the difference you feel when you think, “train” ... or “educate.” They make you feel different inside don’t they?

So how do you help a horse understand flying bags and blankets, falling branches, loud noises and a mountain of other scary things won’t harm her? Easy. Education and confidence building. When a horse has confidence not much will frighten her. When she’s confident in herself, and her person, the scary things are simply, things—not life threatening monsters.

Confidence building is a long term strategy, and we can make it happen by being confident ourselves, and consistent in our manners, actions and support. Yes it takes longer than a weekend clinic on desensitization—which will surely get a horse less worried about the bag, flag, bucket or bang the weekend was designed to make unscary ... But in most cases it will not build confidence. What it most often builds is a worried compliance. I must point out that many horses are skilled in hiding their worry with compliance. But worry and fear can resurface in the blink of an eye, in a most dangerous way, when the next “scary thing” that had not been used to desensitize, suddenly appears out of nowhere. The weak link is the lack of confidence building.

It is totally impossible to desensitize a horse to every scary or worrisome object a horse and rider might ever encounter. And that is the flaw. And it is a big flaw, for when the desensitized horse has an incident after training, and the rider momentarily gets scared themselves and disciplines the horse for what is a natural reaction, the bond between horse and human suffers a strain, a little damage. That’s not a good thing. Not for the person, not for the horse.

Building self confidence within the horse is the answer. Conducting one’s self in a manner steeped in confidence, support and I might say mentorship, builds confidence in the horse.

Take time to understand the horse, as much time as she needs. When riding, doing groundwork, playing games, never push beyond what the horse is comfortable, confident with. Ever. In everything you do make sure the horse is ready to go to the next level. Revisit often things she has mastered, and enjoys doing. This will create layers, upon layers of confidence. Those layers of confidence will build a suit of armor ever present for any scary, unexpected or surprising thing that suddenly appears. And she’ll handle all the never-before-seens with inner strength of self-confidence—not suppressed fear.

Don’t desensitize your horse ... Empower her!

Gitty Up, Dutch Henry

 To have a look at my latest book, "It's For The Horses, An advocate's musings about their needs, gifts, spirit and care," CLICK HERE.