"Why horses, (and People,) Trust Some People and Doubt Others"

Howdy Friends,

Did you ever notice how some horses just seem to read their person's mind? How they seem to always be on the same page? A real solid, dependable team? Did you wonder about, perhaps get a little envious, surely curious, as to how that can be? It has a lot to do with consistency, but it has a lot to do with a person's emotional stability too. Which I guess is a big part of constancy.

We were in the field doing stuff and I had to sit to rest my legs. Kessy came and stood with me until I could get up. Which I did by taking hold of her mane and asking her to back up. She pulled me to my feet!

It also has a lot to do with the person's self confidence, and the ability to respectfully display that self confidence. Horses (and people too) want teammates, partners, and friends they can count on to be there for them. To lead them, hear them, consider their point of view. And yes horse's all have their own point of view and it can, and will, meld with ours. They key is to be self confident enough to look and listen for it. Not to correct, or discipline, but rather to support, guide, teach and empower.

I'm all for praising a horse's misstep, wrong move, or confusion. The key is to praise and support the attempt, no matter how tiny – not correct the misstep or wrong move. Go with the mistake, see where it leads. Improvements leading to perfection come far sooner with mountains of self confident praise, than with buckets of corrections and discipline. Take the mistake, or miscue and redo the exercise or movement seeking improvement in baby steps along the way.

My mentor, Diane Sept, used to say, "Carry yourself in a way that commands respect." I like to add, "And be sure you give it too, in the form of praise."

Praise for a horse (or person) can be a big deal. "GOOD GIRL!" and a pat on the neck, make a big show of it. Or it can be a simple, quiet acknowledgement of a job, task or cooperation well done. Your horse will tell you which she needs. If you listen.

Self confidence and emotional stability means you'll be consistently supportive. You won't, "fly off the handle," and scold, correct harshly, intimidate and confuse your horse ... How can a horse become soft, trusting, truly cooperative, if they must always be on guard for the next explosion of discipline? … I actually believe it is never okay to discipline a horse … well never with a few exceptions related to safety and health ... Self confident instruction based upon solid respectful teamwork and cooperation, will always build a solid relationship of trust. Every time.

Let's look at stepping into the saddle - I'll use my mare Kessy as an example. When we first partnered she would not even come within five feet of the mounting block. If she did, she wasn't going to stand to mount. (Of course you must first be absolutely certain there is no physical reason she can't stand still.) I had to think of how I could help her understand this really mattered to me. Back then I could still mount from a 2 step block, so I set it next to the barn wall allowing just enough room for her to stand, and we started mounting that way. If she moved forward, I would simply lead her around without a word, and stand her next to the block again. When in the correct position I would ask her to, "Stand." After mounting I'd give her a bit of carrot. (Still do, it's a kind of flexation exercise) We did this for a while, then eventually I moved the block away from the wall, and it no longer mattered where, or how we mounted. She just needed that little bit of guidance and support the barn wall offered her as she was making sense of the mounting deal. Today, she'll not move a hoof until I ask her to, "Walk on." Never once did I scold, yank on the reins, or demand she, "Stand Still!" We've all seen that, right? … 

As time went on it became necessary for me to mount and dismount from a platform, and it's quite an ordeal some days. She stands like a concrete statue as I clamber aboard. It's a confidence built of trust, and that trust builds a desire to not only cooperate, but be there for me. Kessy knows I'll not let my emotions take over and yell at her when she gets things a bit wrong. She knows I'll support her just as she supports me.

Kessy stands like a statue for me to mount and dismount, as long as it takes. If I'm really struggling she'll even lean into it!

I'll take a bit farther. I have bad health days and not so bad health days. Kessy knows the difference. She's always beyond perfect for mounting and dismounting, tacking, grooming, hoof care, all ground tied ... but once we're on the trail she either treads along gently and slowly, or as is her core nature, frolics and announces her attitude – depending on my ability to sit the saddle. This cooperation is born of a bond built on trust, not discipline.

The secret to those horses who seem to be able to read their person's mind? I believe it's as simple as being able to trust their person to be both emotionally balanced and consistent. And respectful.

Gitty Up ~ Dutch Henry, and Kessy too.

"It's About Who They Are not What They Are"

Howdy Folks,

 

Writing, people and horses always seem to go together for me. One of the novels I'm working on, "Coming Home" opens with the scene of the protagonist, Billie, sitting at the end of her parents' farm lane, pausing, thinking just a moment before driving in. We visit reuniting with family, and an old friend drops by too. Midway through the first chapter, in a scene set in a diner, Billie learns there's big trouble and tension builds quickly. Now modern, conventional wisdom has it that everything prior to the diner scene should be cut, and the story should start with the "action, or tension."

 Today everyone wants to start with the "action." You even see it in the current movies and TV shows that start with explosive action, then drift into flashbacks. How many times have we seen, "Three days earlier" on the screen, or in a book? Sure the action might be gripping, but if you think about it, it's action for action's sake. It's rarely compelling, so the writer needs to "take you back," so you can get to know and feel for the characters. And truly care about them. 

I like to do things a little differently. Publishers, editors and agents tell us, "If you start your story with reflection, contemplation or a character pondering it will not be published." Or read. I took that advice when my novel "We'll Have The Summer" was published, and I will forever regret the readers never saw the opening paragraphs that were cut to "start with the action." The readers missed out on tender, precious thoughts Mary Holt had looking out the kitchen window above the sink. Oh sure, I tried to weave those emotions in later, but the reader would have known who Mary was in the first paragraph on a deeper level.

I agree a story can't start with a ton of baggage, or back story. But I also believe that the need to start with tension, action, momentum is somehow a sign of our over stimulated time. To me it feels like too often it's about the "what" not the "who." And the "who" is important.

In fact, I believe that "who" is much more important than "what." In a story, in life, and with our horses. I believe when working with our horses it is far more important to get to know "who" they are before we begin to "train" them. That's another word I'm not too fond of, "training." Better than some of the other words used, but still very much in the world of "what" instead of "who."

If we take the time to allow our horses to tell their story, if we listen to their opening paragraphs of reflection, contemplation we will know them more deeply. That will allow us to have an understanding of "who" they are instead of "what" they are. Which will make possible a deeper, richer form of communication that will make sense to both the horse and the human.

Kessy & me lovin' the moment

To me taking the time to learn who a person, character in a novel, or a horse is, is time well spent. It's the fundamental building stone for everything that follows. It's about who they are, not what they are.

Gitty Up ~ Dutch Henry

"Are You Listening?"

Howdy Folks,

I sat in the car waiting as I often do when Ravishin' Robbie ran in the store to grab a few groceries. It's not so much I don't enjoy shopping, but walking in stores is a bother to my legs. And it offers a great time to people watch. The other day I was "people watchin'" when I noticed a child, of I suppose 7 or so, trying oh so hard to get her mother's understanding of a matter of what must have been great importance by the demonstration of arm flailing and hurried loud outbursts. Of course I couldn't understand the words, but the volume and tone sent a clear, "Are You Listening?" I chuckled because I knew the answer was a resounding, NO! For the mother was every bit as determined to make her point, at the same time. I never got the impression they were angry, quite the opposite, they seemed happy and excited, but were not able to communicate what was so exciting.

This made me think of a seminar I'd attended for sales training years ago. "Learning effective ways to listen." Never forgot it. But I must admit I'm not that great a listener, either. Unless I use this little trick. And you bet, I'm gonna share how I modified it for listing to your horse.

The trick isn't to watch the other person's lips or focus on their eyes or get in sync with their breathing, or any of the standard "rules for good listening." In fact you can do this with your eyes closed. Well with people you can. With horses you pretty much gotta look at them.

But with people it is really simple … Here it is … "Listen to every word as if you must jump in and finish the sentence." … That's it ... No gimmicks, no tricks. Just pretend at any moment you'll need to pick it up and finish the sentence. We even did role playing in the seminar, which I remember was a hoot!

So how do you finish the sentence your horse is saying? Well you listen closely; it will enrich your connection ... A brief side note here … When I'm doing my "Therapy For Therapy Horses" exercises, within a few moments of starting I'll get signals from the horse where they want my hands to go next. It is one reason why I'd love for anyone who has or works with horses to learn at least the basics of these. These exercises will teach folks to "listen to their horse" in a most comprehensive way.

But I'd like to share the other way you can finish your horse's sentence. Think about when you're leading her, and she stops. I'd like to suggest, you stop. Don't just think what you want, where you are going or want to go, but pause a second or three and look where your horse is looking. Sometimes it's obvious, she's worried about something she sees, ears and eyes focused right on it. That's an easy one and you should look at it too and wait a few seconds before asking her to move on. Finish the sentence together.

The real opportunity to finish your horse's sentence will come when she stops as you're leading her, you turn to look at her … and she isn't really looking at anything. She's just standing with soft eyes, relaxed ears and no concern on her face. This is your chance to hear her, and finish her sentence. If you stay soft, open your heart, mind and intuitiveness you'll pick up on it. It'll be a moment of deep connection. Think then of the end of her sentence ... Will she walk on to follow you, or relax another moment? Think a bit, wait for it, and then you'll see, your thoughts were in tune. You heard her – because you were listening … The opposite is also true … If when she stops you tug on the lead to move her on with no more than a brief glance her way shouting in your mind, "Come On!" … You will have missed what she was trying to tell you when she said, "I'm really loving this walk together."

I'm a big fan of ground work with a horse and doing slow easy things together will give you many opportunities to finish your horse's sentences. Remember to pause, join her thoughts and "predict" what she wants to do next, by finishing her sentence. While trail riding is another great chance to "learn to listen well," if she stops along the trail, pause, look and listen to her. The key to listening well is finishing the sentence in the way the "talker" would finish it. You know then, you are in tune.

Happy listening!

Gitty Up,

Dutch Henry