When Your Horse Asks A Question – How Do You Reply?

Howdy Folks,

 

How do you respond when your horse asks a question? You might be surprised to learn a lot of folks don't even know their horse can, and often do ask questions. So how can they respond to a question they don't know is being asked?

Kessy asking me a question

Imagine you and your spouse, or a trusted friend, are planning to go to the movies. You've talked about it, now it's time. You innocently ask, "Are we ready to go?" To your surprise the response is a sharp toned, "Stand still until I tell you to move." Of course we all know this is a harsh example and no one talks to spouses, friends or horses this way. Surely not.

But what if your question was, "Is this cake still good to eat?" and the answer came, "Eat what I put in front of you!"

Horses ask questions all the time and many times they go unanswered, or answers come unrelated to the question. Suppose you ask, "What time does Dancing With The Stars come on?" and you're told, "Wash the car before the rain starts." Hard to make sense of that one, I reckon.

How do you know if your horse is asking a question? If we're listening they tell us in many little ways. Horses by their very nature are full of questions, but too many times they're taught their questions are unimportant or worse, the act of asking a question is considered a discipline or training problem.

Just like us, horses want to be happy. They have a desire to please. And they think a lot. They are better than most folks at noticing things; things they want investigate, things they love, and things they worry about.  We have a responsibility as owners, caregivers and partners to be there for our horses. When they ask a question that's important to them, it should be important to us.

Just as for us sometimes, the answer to your horse's question may not be the answer she wants, but we should at least take the time to answer it. Politely. And sometimes it'll be exactly the answer she's looking for.

How can we hear a question? When she hesitates at a cue, or request she's asking. Listen. Look in her eyes. Trust your thoughts, your intuition. It's extremely important to not be negative or demanding at this point. Your first thought, in a positive manner, will be the answer to her question. Tell her. Yes you can speak just as you would to anyone who asked a question. Tell her what she needs to know, and perhaps show her. Think of opening the way and allowing her to follow through.

The neat thing about listening for questions is, the more you do it, the better you'll become. You'll learn from each other. Questions are good things, we learn by asking. So do our horses. Reward the asking in a positive way and anything you would like to do together is possible.

Gitty Up ~ Dutch Henry

"Leader or Boss – For Your Horse"

Howdy Folks,

When I hear that old tired saw, "You need to show your horse who's boss," it gives me pause. I've never liked that approach any more than I like, "She's testing you and you can't let her win," or "You need to be the alpha mare."

"You need to be the boss," they'll say. Perhaps. But it's hard for me to wrap my head around the "boss" posture when we really want to be partners.

Kessy & me lovin' a moment

Equals? I don't know, that one I can't answer. I do know there are plenty of days Kessy is more equal than me. I also ponder the advice that you shouldn't project "human emotions" onto your horse. Really? Maybe not, but I'd rather error along those lines than be the kind of person who thinks horses don't have emotions. Or can't feel them.

Leader instead of boss? Semantics you say? I don't think so. I profess the words you think, and use, create your frame of mind and guide not only your conduct, but your emotions, feelings and attitude as well. And don't we all agree that our horses are tuned into all of them?

 Remember my post a few months back about the power of the words we use for nicknames for our horses. Even if a horse owner thinks Blockhead is a cute name for their horse, you've got to admit it makes you feel different than when you say, Handsome. Same goes for "leader" and "boss." I think.

Thinking from the boss' perspective we might be more apt to demand rather than request. Correct rather than encourage. Even if it's a subconscious, innocent thing. I remember hanging on a fence one summer day watching a respected trainer give lessons. I remember too, how many times she called out to her student who was riding her lesson horse, "make him turn," or "make him stay on the rail," always, "make him," never "ask him." That was a long time ago, but I never forgot it.

A boss perspective will have a controlling atmosphere. Rather than a guiding atmosphere. "Someone's gonna be in charge, either you or the horse," they'll say. Yet you read all over the place how you should build a partnership with your horse.

A "leading" perspective will create a true partnership. Leaders know listening is as important as speaking and allow the time it takes to accomplish the mutual goals. They allow time for understanding. Leaders can see the missteps as baby steps along the way to achieving the goal. Leaders understand each member of the team shares equal benefits, and responsibility.

Leaders offer guidance, open the way, invite cooperation, and lead by example. In my mind it's a wonderful thing to say, "You need to be your horse's leader."

Gitty Up ~ Dutch Henry 

"Are You Listening?"

Howdy Folks,

I sat in the car waiting as I often do when Ravishin' Robbie ran in the store to grab a few groceries. It's not so much I don't enjoy shopping, but walking in stores is a bother to my legs. And it offers a great time to people watch. The other day I was "people watchin'" when I noticed a child, of I suppose 7 or so, trying oh so hard to get her mother's understanding of a matter of what must have been great importance by the demonstration of arm flailing and hurried loud outbursts. Of course I couldn't understand the words, but the volume and tone sent a clear, "Are You Listening?" I chuckled because I knew the answer was a resounding, NO! For the mother was every bit as determined to make her point, at the same time. I never got the impression they were angry, quite the opposite, they seemed happy and excited, but were not able to communicate what was so exciting.

This made me think of a seminar I'd attended for sales training years ago. "Learning effective ways to listen." Never forgot it. But I must admit I'm not that great a listener, either. Unless I use this little trick. And you bet, I'm gonna share how I modified it for listing to your horse.

The trick isn't to watch the other person's lips or focus on their eyes or get in sync with their breathing, or any of the standard "rules for good listening." In fact you can do this with your eyes closed. Well with people you can. With horses you pretty much gotta look at them.

But with people it is really simple … Here it is … "Listen to every word as if you must jump in and finish the sentence." … That's it ... No gimmicks, no tricks. Just pretend at any moment you'll need to pick it up and finish the sentence. We even did role playing in the seminar, which I remember was a hoot!

So how do you finish the sentence your horse is saying? Well you listen closely; it will enrich your connection ... A brief side note here … When I'm doing my "Therapy For Therapy Horses" exercises, within a few moments of starting I'll get signals from the horse where they want my hands to go next. It is one reason why I'd love for anyone who has or works with horses to learn at least the basics of these. These exercises will teach folks to "listen to their horse" in a most comprehensive way.

But I'd like to share the other way you can finish your horse's sentence. Think about when you're leading her, and she stops. I'd like to suggest, you stop. Don't just think what you want, where you are going or want to go, but pause a second or three and look where your horse is looking. Sometimes it's obvious, she's worried about something she sees, ears and eyes focused right on it. That's an easy one and you should look at it too and wait a few seconds before asking her to move on. Finish the sentence together.

The real opportunity to finish your horse's sentence will come when she stops as you're leading her, you turn to look at her … and she isn't really looking at anything. She's just standing with soft eyes, relaxed ears and no concern on her face. This is your chance to hear her, and finish her sentence. If you stay soft, open your heart, mind and intuitiveness you'll pick up on it. It'll be a moment of deep connection. Think then of the end of her sentence ... Will she walk on to follow you, or relax another moment? Think a bit, wait for it, and then you'll see, your thoughts were in tune. You heard her – because you were listening … The opposite is also true … If when she stops you tug on the lead to move her on with no more than a brief glance her way shouting in your mind, "Come On!" … You will have missed what she was trying to tell you when she said, "I'm really loving this walk together."

I'm a big fan of ground work with a horse and doing slow easy things together will give you many opportunities to finish your horse's sentences. Remember to pause, join her thoughts and "predict" what she wants to do next, by finishing her sentence. While trail riding is another great chance to "learn to listen well," if she stops along the trail, pause, look and listen to her. The key to listening well is finishing the sentence in the way the "talker" would finish it. You know then, you are in tune.

Happy listening!

Gitty Up,

Dutch Henry